Peguam Itu Lagi Psycho

Sumber: Daily Mail , Wikipedia

Pada 8 Januari 2011, Jared Loughner telah menembak rambang kepada 20 orang dan enam daripadanya menemui ajal. Kejadian berlaku di Safeway Supermarket,Tucson. Ramai yang mendakwa jenayah yang dilakukan oleh Loughner disebabkan politik tetapi lebih ramai yang menganggapnya seorang yang gila.

Loughner telah menghadiri sebuah event yang dihadiri seorang Ahli Kongres, Gabrielle Giffords. Dia kemudian menghampiri Giffords dan terus menembaknya di kepala sebelum menembak orang ramai yang hadir. Seorang wanita bernama Patricia dan dua orang yang lain telah menahannya sebelum Loughner cuba mengisi semula peluru.

Psycho, memang psycho.

Apa yang aku pandang sekarang adalah, peguam yang akan membela Loughner bagi pihaknya. Judy Clarke adalah seorang criminal lawyer yang mempunyai record menyelamatkan manusia-manusia gila (OKT) terdahulu seperti Ted Kaczynki (mamat ni bom satu klinik pengguguran) dan Eric Rudoph (mamat ni bom satu Taman Olimpik kat Atlanta). Dia juga dalam team untuk mendapatkan permohonan untuk mengelakkan OKT dari dihukum mati seperti Susan Smith yang ikat anak dia dalam kereta sebelum dia tolak kereta tu masuk dalam tasik kat South Carolina.

Dia pernah jadi President of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. Orang sebut dia sebagai master strategist dalam kes jenayah yang melibatkan hukum mati. Hebatnya kakak ini dia lebih mempersoalkan sama ada penjenayah patut dihukum dengan hukuman yang disabitkan, bukan sama ada penjenayah itu salah atau tidak. Kiranya serang teknikaliti la.

Dia ni lagi psycho, lagi psycho.

Aku kagum dengan orang yang sudi bagi OKT peluang kedua dan jenis tak emo dalam kes. Aku juga takde la menyokong sangat hukuman mati, tapi, in certain cases, kalau mati hukuman yang paling sesuai untuk satu2 jenayah tu, then, if proven guilty mungkin hukuman mati adalah yang terbaik. Aku dapat tips dari human rights lawyer, kalau jadi lawyer ni kena buat muka straight, ko akan nampak berkaliber dan orang takkan tahu apa yang ko tengah fikirkan in which sesuatu yang aku paling fail buat. *sigh*

~ cuba korang tengok betul-betul, muka siapa lagi pyscho? aku stand tall cakap kakak Judy ni lagi pyscho~

Seperenggan Setingkat #2

Bergolek gelak aku check Twitter pagi ni. Aku baru perasan Dato' Siti dah ada twitter and her followers mencanak-canak semakin ramainya. Bila baca satu tweet dia masa dia tengok Final Piala Suzuki AFF tu, dia ada tweet pasal Fahmi muka brutal. Kemudian dia tweet pasal Rajagobal. Nevermind la nama Rajagobal - Rajagopal ramai yang salah eja. But, then, sebagai #CreepyFan aku pun betulkan grammar dia sket. Grammar aku takde la betul, tapi, aku reti lagi la membezakan antara singular dan plural. Hari ni, dia dah delete tweet dia tu. Hehehe

Kecekapan Pejabat Imigresen Membalas Email, demi KPI/NKRA

Aku amat menggelegak dengan Pejabat Imigresen. Dalam website dia, dia letak, kalau ada sebarang pertanyaan, kita boleh email kepada admin dia. Jadi aku pun email la, dengan harapan aku boleh dapatkan penyelesaian kepada masalah aku.

Aku tahu kebangangan start dari aku yang perasan mempunyai ketinggian 171cm, padahal in real life aku cuma 161cm je. Tak payah la tanya kenapa aku perasan, korang pun kadang-kadang perasan lawa/ hensem.

Maka, ini jawapannya.

Baik korang tulis terang-terang dalam website korang, apa-apa hal bersangkut call terus pejabat. TAK PAYAH LA BUANG MASA MACAM NI, BUAT AKU SENGSARA MENGEKSPLAIN DENGAN PANJANG DAN MENUNGGU REPLY JE..

Saya Liberal, Saya Ok

Ramai orang tanya kenapa aku mengaku aku liberal. Ada empat orang tunding jari kat aku dan tanya, kenapa aku macam ala-ala liberal? Aku tak sedar sebenarnya sampai diorang bagi beberapa statement aku yang aku pernah buat. Salah satu pasal pengakuan Azwan Ismail. (tujuh statement aku diorang quote, which korang boleh nampak dari status Facebook aku, especially sejak akhir-akhir ini)

Aku percaya liberal adalah kebebasan dan memperkasakan diri (empowerment, bukan Perkasa songkok tinggi) dari sesuatu yang zalim, yang tidak benar, yang menindas. Aku juga percaya liberal itu adalah bila, keperluan untuk berharmoni, bertoleransi dan tak me'rigid'kan dengan orang2 lain. Tetapi, selagi tidak melanggar agama.

Aku tak peduli sangat adat resam Melayu. Selagi aku melakukan perkara2 yang diwajibkan Tuhan, tak buat perkara yang Tuhan haramkan, aku rasa aku ok. Adat resam dan pemahaman orang Melayu terhadap perkataan "ketuanan Melayu" aku rasa agak sampah. Kalau aku ke mana2, bila ditanya siapa aku, aku akan jawab "Aku orang Malaysia Muslim"

Liberal dari asal-asalnya bermaksud "bebas dari batasan" yang digunakan starting zaman Renaissance dan Reformation dolu-dolu diorang nak bebas dari cengkaman gereja dan sistem beraja. Itu asal2nya, tapi aku bukan pegang ideologi bebas tanpa batasan ni. Aku ingat Tuhan lagi. InsyaAllah, apa yang aku belajar masa zaman2 syariah dulu aku ingat lagi.

Kalo korang refer kepada kamus, liberal bermaksud;

1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.

7. free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant

8. open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.

So, bagi pemahaman aku, liberal adalah di mana seseorang itu menggunakan aqal untuk berfikir dan meluahkan apa yang dia fikir, apa yang dia rasa reasonable. Ko kena reasoning dengan agama la - refer, doh, refer. Kalau sesuatu perkara itu, bila korang rasa tidak betul, tidak salah kalau korang suarakan, betul tak? Logik mudah.

Liberal bukan setakat mengenai politik dan agama. Ianya lebih dari itu. Kebebasan untuk menggerakkan diri untuk lebih maju dan kritis. Korang bukan tak tahu sistem pembelajaran Malaysia ni cuma untuk jawab exam je. Bila habis belajar, ilmu pun terbang melayang. Ilmu tu patutnya di dada, ingat sampai mati. Matematik tingkatan 3 punya formula, kalau ditanya, korang boleh jawab ke tidak? Aku pun geruk kepala.

Liberal ni mengharmonikan korang dengan kaum lain. Jangan la guna - oh, itu tak boleh, ini tak boleh. Itu haram, ini haram - Nabi pun hormatkan orang bukan Islam. Buka minda la sket, it's not like ko kena total avoidance, tapi make changes la. Yang jelas haram tu, tak payah la tolong tegukkan juga, konon katanya liberal.

Liberal ni juga mengubah korang dari terus bodoh dari diperbodohkan orang lain. Contohnya, dari korang dengar cakap seseorang bulat2, korang cari sendiri maklumat tentang sesuatu perkara tu. Kalau semua orang berfikiran macam tu, takde la ramai yang kena tipu dengan MLM, gelang azimat, skim cepat kaya etc.

Aqal kena overtake nafsu, beb. So, saya liberal, saya ok.

Seperenggan Setingkat #1

Twitter adalah alter-ego aku. Aku tak suka orang dari real life yang tak faham kegilaan aku, memfollow aku dan/atau nak kondem. Apa yang terpacul dari kepala, itulah yang aku tweet. Aku tahu, tak semua benda aku tweet tu betul dan sesuai dengan norma, tapi, itulah aku dalam parallel universe yang lain. Aku terpaksa block korang kalau korang dari tempat kerja aku, family aku, budak UIA dari kelompok tertentu atau dari golongan pengomplen tegar.

Semberono #2

Semalam aku pergi super melalak karok dengan Aya Joyy, Atunmanna dan Wanie Rosli kat The Curve lepas frust tercongok kat Wangsawalk. Ramai sungguh manusia di situ. Lepas karok sampai semput (itu aku) dan perut berbunyi-bunyi, kitorang bergerak ke Mali's Corner, Danau Kota. Alah, yang dekat uptown tu.

Sambil menunggu Aya Joyy dan Atunmanna mengorder makanan, aku rajin jugak mengusha2 sekeliling, tengok2, cuci mata, man hunting... sekali aku terpandang seorang kakak yang asyik membelek DSLR sambil2 mensnap gambar sedara mara dia. Sempat gak aku jeling outcome dari skrin dia tu. ahahahah. ahahaha. hampeh.

Pada masa yang sama, ada 2 mamat yang naik dan turun dari tingkat atas kedai tu sambil sangkut DSLR kat bahu. Fenomena ni aku nampak dari aku lepak dengan Halia kat Melaka lagi. Tapi aku rasa okay sket dekat sana sebab Melaka the Ohsem ada banyak tempat lawa untuk yang minat fotografi.

Persoalan aku sekarang kenapa orang nampak DSLR cuma sebagai aksesori baru yang membolehkan korang membelagakkan diri gile? Aku tak reti sangat pasal fotografi tapi aku rasa aku still ada rasa hormat kepada sebuah kesenian. Oleh kerana aku (selalu) fail ambil gmbr lawa, aku rasa aku serah balik kepada mereka yang terer.

Korang boleh kata aku dengki or diorang ada duit, lantak la diorang nak beli or boleh kata diorang beli so bleh blaja amik gambar lawa2. whatever la. tapi kalo ko asyik menyangkut DSLR macam aksesori, walaupun terang lagi menatang alah tu boleh letak dalam beg dia, itu RIAK namanya.

12 Things Happened to Me in 2010

1. Turned MC for the first time in life, in front of Ismail Sabri, on my birthday. Amacam, Dafi sihat? *angkat-angkat kening*

2. Went to Jakarta for one week of training and met amazing people. I got myself a 'clan'!

3. Joined gym with Aya Joyy and got to know Gerrard and Jun - Filipino hotties, i mean, trainers. Lost a couple pounds~~(yeah, riighhhttt)

4. My niece, Damia Arissya passed away. (Al-fatihah)

5. Snorkeling in Pangkor with Maalini and Shan.


6. Went to Nusa Dua, Bali, for a conference and stayed at 5 stars hotel with a private beach. o.O

7. Hatyai Shopping with Atunmanna, Intan Byzura, Wanie Rosli, Aya Joyy and Wiznie.

8. Went to Adam Lambert's concert, Putra Indoor Stadium, Bahkoot Jalil with Fanerrific, Aya Joyy, Linness and Nty Nagaashi.

9. Tweeted Neil Lambert, Isaac and Cheeks and they replied~ woohoo!!


10. Had a solo trip to Malacca and give menggilakan Halia over the weekend. ngee~

11. Went to Manila, Philippines and learn a lot from fellow human rights defenders all over Asia. Had a great time with Mook at Intramuros.

12. Moved from Petaling Jaya to Shah Alam. Let us see whats the future has for me here.

Happy New Year 2011, friends!

Merry Christmas Everyone

Dear Santa,

I want this as my present. It can be in the form of human or robot. I'm okay with either.
I wont wait for you tonight, but I'd prepared Big Mac and fries for you.
(I've ran out of milk and cookies)
I wuv you!

Movie Review: Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah

Aku jumpa Dina Nordin kat Midvalley. Apa kejadah la rindu kat aku sampai bersungguh datang KL. Anyway, kitorang plan jumpa and makan2 ja. Tapi, takda benda nak buat, so, pegi check GSC. Ada sorang akak ni dok approach orang, aku dah perasan awal, and ada sorang mamat tunggu dia. Pastu dia datang kat kitorang.

"Dik, nak tengok Hantu Kak Limah tak?Kawan akak tak dapat datang, ada keja"

Aku dah menggedik excited dah, sebab aku nampak macam kedip2 ja display movie tu kat monitor. Either its selling fast or nak tutup kaunter. (aku rasa la, sebab aku selalu gelabah kalo nampak benda kedip2 dan bergemerlapan ni)

"Amik la. Dia kejap lagi pukul 8.10. Akak bagi free je. Taknak bayar pun takpe"

Lagi aku menggedik. Dina muka doubt sket. Dia takut kena tipu. Aku bagi gak akak tu RM10, takde la aku rasa bersalah. Akak yang bernama Rakilah dari Johor Bharu, terima kasih banyak2 ye.

Aku error dengan dua trailer bangang "Zombie Mengganas di MRZM" dan "Zombie the Musical" tu. Aku tau dia perli some movies or someone. Korang bukan tak tahu Mamat Khalid dan lawak gelap beliau. Pikir panjang aku. Anyway....

~poster cilok dari FB Hantu Kak Limah~

Aku tahu menggilababi ketawa bila tengok cerita Mamat Khalid. Tapi, korang kalo perasan, dia ni kaki sinis dok perli orang Melayu. Which lagi kelakar kalo ko Melayu tapi tak paham keperlian beliau itu.

Perli #1 rasa diri hebat dah kalo kerja kat Singapore tu. So called keja kat oversea. Jadi supervisa. Gaji SD2000 (which satu kampung taktau kira tapi terus, uih...byk tuh, byk)

Perli #2 Masyarakat tak amik berat pun hidup mati whatever terjadi kat Kak Limah tu. Tapi kemain kemaruk gi membeli nasi lemak kat mak janda.

Perli #3 Stigma rasa penting sangat2 dah kalo keja kerajaan tu." Saya MC hari ni, tapi datang keja jugak. Saya ada seminar nak kena hadir ni" lepas tu, macam masalah sengaja diletakkan atas dia yg keja kerajaan tu. "Bala, bala..."

Perli#4 Orang tua dok gebang kat kedai kopi cerita politik. Buka cawangan la, pemimpin muda la..

Perli #5 Masyarakat kepoh nak tau gosip. "ha...cuba kamu ceghita, ceghita, ceghita" Padahal kekadang cerita tu takde pape pun. Setakat nampak Musalman je, itu pun jadi satu cerita.

Perli #6 Sket2 bantuan kerajaan. si usop tu, elok je boleh lari. sanggup usung weel-cha dia ke mana2 dia pergi.
(anyway, aku annoyed la tangan penari kebudayaan tu.. tergodek-godek, tergodek-godek)

Perli #7 Tok bomoh ni ramai yang penipu! Sorang asyik menadah ke langit, sorang lagi "Aku ini orang Indonesia, kalo tidak cukup ilmu di dada.."

Perli #8 (okay, aku rasa cam penat nak senaraikan semua)

Sarat gak la cerita ni, merapu pun ye jugak. Tapi, cerita ni ko cuma akan renggah gelak sekali je (translation: gelak sampai keras perut). Ni bukan cam cerita Man Laksa. I LIOKE MAN LAKSA...har har har.

p/s: cekerempet, awat ada hantu kopek wehhhh???

The Hanger Story

Dulu masa prep Tingkatan 2, orang busy buat kerja rumah, aku gi lepak kat tepi tangga sambil bergosip dengan kawan2. Dekat tangga ada satu bilik tempat sorang ustaz ni lepak. Asalnya bilik tu stor bangunan kelas, tapi ustaz tu tahfiz dan memerlukan bilik jauh dari orang untuk menghafaz, jadi Mursyid kasi dia.

Tengah sedap bergosip sambil makan kuaci, tiba2 kitorang dengar pintu dibuka... krekkkkkk..... Mencicit lari budak-budak ni. Aku yang paling last (ye, sebab aku gemuk) dan dia panggil. "Hah, kamu!"

Aku terpaksa berhenti lari dan patah balik pergi kat dia. "Tak perasan pulak saya Ustaz ada kat dalam" sengih dalam gabra.
"Pi panggil kawan-kawan kamu tadi tu." Ustaz muka bulat, pakai spek macam John Lennon tu mengarah.

Aku pun pegi kelas prep dan berdiri kat depan. Ustaz tunggu kat tepi kelas denganpeyangkut baju kaler biru kat tangan dia.

"Sapa-sapa yang keluar lepak dengan aku tadi, meh la keluaq" Aku tengok sekor -sekor minah-minah yang muka pucat dalam kelas tu. Cekerempet! nampaknya aku sorang je la nak kena ni. Aku tengok Ustaz. "Bukan kelaih ni kot Ustaz"

"Abeh tu, kelaih mana? Toksah nak tipu saya. Cepat panggil nama depa. Saya nampak depa masuk sini tadi" "Taktau la Ustaz. Gelap sangat tadi kat tangga tu."

Ustaz sebat tapak tangan aku 3 kali dengan penyangkut baju kaler biru tu, kali ke-4 dia berhenti. Dia suruh aku pegi duduk tempat. 

Semberono #1

Isnin lepas, aku masuk lambat ke satu workshop kat Swiss Garden Hotel. Dalam 50minit lambat. Lepas baik punya menghendap, aku masuk perlahan-lahan sambil sembunyi surat khabar The Sun yang aku amik free kat Masjid Jamek LRT kat muka.

Sekali speaker program nampak aku dan cakap;

"Owwhhh, you don't have to cover yourself like that. We can see you.."

Semua participants toleh belakang dan tengok aku. Aku cuma boleh lambai tangan.

"Hi, everyone"

~cute little dragon~

aint he adorable?

Movie Review: Aku Tak Bodoh

Mendapat jemputan makan nasi lemak Malinja dari Cik Aya Joyy dan Cik Atun Manna amat menggembirakan saya. (ayat skemdot biol) Sedar-sedar, kitorang dah sampai Wangsa Walk. Niat hati nak tengok Hantu Kak Limah sebab dengar-dengar dapat kutipan besar walau beberapa hari baru keluar panggung. Tahu saja la Mamat Khalid tu, lawak kering supermantop.

Aku Tak Bodoh adalah cerita adaptasi dari movie Singapore, I Not Stupid Too oleh Jack Neo. Dia ada I Not Stupid, movie first pasal dua budak ni then baru ada sekuel. Aku memang minat cerita Jack Neo - termasuk lah Money No Enough. Ada lagi satu cerita yang Gurmit Singh tertukar badan dengan pompuan tu. Jack Neo banyak perli Singapore and its sistem pendidikan, perangai kiasu, takut authority dan suka jaga muka.

Biar ku katakan... inilah yang kita panggil adaptasi Encik Sharan, sesuaikan dengan masa dan keadaan. Tak payah la amik sebijik2, yang tak sesuai...dan, arrghhhh... ok, tak penting.

Aku Tak Bodoh adalah cerita pasal dua orang budak sekolah yang masuk kelas belakang. (if ikut yang Jack punya, cikgu diorang marah diorang lagi kaw-kaw) Dan dalam cerita ni, ada diorang bandingkan mentaliti cikgu kelas belakang dan cikgu kelas depan. Cikgu Kelas Belakang, ayat dia memang statik je, "korang ni tak boleh diajar la, naik lemak la, bla bla" then, Cikgu Kelas Depan siap janji asal naik 3markah je, cikgu bagi CD Aizat. Apa ke gila? Bagi la CD Adam Lambert cikgu!

Roy dan Sudin ni bukanlah bodoh, diorang lembap je. Roy anak orang berada dan ada adik sorang, nama Jefri. First aku tengok Jefri, aku teringat Ahmad, adik Fanerrific. Ini Jefri. Kiut kan?

Betul cakap Jefri, dia tak bodoh. Dia dapat 70 markah utk ujian, tapi apsal mak ayah dia tak puji dia? Dulu, masa amik result SPM, ada sorang ayah ni cakap kat kawan aku: "5A je? 5A mana cukup.." tak terhiris hati member. I mean, faham bila parents nak terbaik untuk anak2, tapi satu 1) jgn la letak harapan setinggi gunung 2) cuba bawak-bawak bersyukur 3) bak kata Adibah Noor, puji anak, bagi kata2 positif-itu semua doa.

Then, cerita pasal kalo pegang tangan pompuan, nanti pregnant. Pastu pusing-pusing keliling pokok. Aku bergolek ketawa. Memang! Dulu, aku pun dibagitau macam tu! Jefri pegi beli nenas sebab nak tiadakan baby.... hahahahahahahahaha.

Kesian kat Jefri - curi satu balang duit kakak kantin sebab nak beli tiket dramatari sekolah dia. Melampau sungguh, tiket drama sampai RM500, cekik darah punya cikgu. Kaya gile Mahesh sampai nak bawak segala makcik, pakcik, jiran, atuk datang tengok.

Ramai kawan-kawan sekolah dulu yang macam Roy dan Sudin ni. They scratch each others' back. Ko memerlukan that one person, at least seorang, kat sekolah untuk susah senang bersama. Ko ingat nak survive sekolah menengah tu mudah?

Dan bila Sudin takde, Roy jadi hilang arah dan tak tau nak lean kat sapa masa kat sekolah. Aku rasa bukan lah malu besar sangat kalo kena rotan 3kali kat tangan tu. Aku dulu, kat sekolah - bukan setakat dengan rotan - hanger, bulu ayam, pembaris - semua biasa. Dia mesti malu sebab dah takde orang nak ada dengan dia waktu dia susah.

Budak Sudin ni macho siot. Dia adalah the next Zahiril Adzim, aku konpom itu. Biasalah kalo bila ko jadi orang tak berapa berada dan asyik kena pukul dengan bapak sendiri - mahu sendiri jadi ganas. Kudos kepada pergaduhan beliau. Aku rasa macam tengok Seong Seung Hoon yang gaduh dalam He Was Gorgeous He Was Cool. Awesome!

Dan Roy adalah penulis blogger. Blog entries yang macam diari budak pompuan tu boleh menang award? Hahahaha. Tak patut. Tak patut. Memang patut masuk ISA, bak kata Amy Mastura.

Dan aku tak bleh tahan dengan kepala samseng diorang yang terpaksa terjojol mata sepanjang movie. Pulak tu, gelak jahat tak jadi - macam susah amat dia nak gelak. Dah la awek tak cukup IQ, budak rambut perm tu pulak tiga suku. "Bos, dia pukul orang kita tu. Kita lawan bos" (bila Riezman pukul Roy)

Dan watak paling best dalam cerita ni adalah Encik Jaafar... Aku still gelak everytime aku ingat babak tu. "Sudin, i love you." Mau tak hilang akal Si Sudin tu, out of the sudden. Ramai parents dalam masyarakat kita ni tak reti nak tunjuk kasih sayang. Diorang tak sebut, diorang tak tunjuk depan. Tapi, diorang buat kat belakang, dan anak2 selalunya tak tahu. Dah bila sebut I Love You - tak terkesima anak... hahahahhaha. Encik Jaafar tu sangat sweet bila dia bersungguh turun naik pejabat nak sekolahkan Sudin balik lepas Sudin kena buang sekolah. Betul bila dia cakap, tak sepatutnya ada polisi buang sekolah ni, cuma menambahkan masalah je. Ayat yang sentap mengharukan aku "Oi, anak aku tu oi" - aku tak tau kenapa.

Oh, by the way.. Riezman and Amy Mastura pun ok dalam cerita ni. Kiut tengok diorang bergaduh. Happened to real people, i mean real parents. Anak-anak masalah je, salahkan each other. Pastu pakai ayat, anak awak. Dan, parents, please la. Stop la bagi rhetoric question kat anak-anak.

"Kenapa Jefri buat macam tu?"
"Jefri bawak sebab dia sakit perut.."
"Hah, menjawab!"

Duhh......

Cerita ni sangat bagus untuk family. Walaupun dia takde la konsentretkan kepincangan sistem pendidikan dan perli perangai masyarakat macam the original I Not Stupid, tapi, still bagi moral kat semua. Its all come back to the family.

p/s: "Siapa yang telefon polis tadi?" Makcik baju kurung "Saya, encik. Bukan apa, saja nak tengok pihak polis ni bertindak cepat ke tak bila ada aduan. Cepat ni, hah, bagus bagus" LEMAU!

Cikgu Hamid yang Sangat Suka Tengok Wrestling

Memandangkan tv kat rumah sewa aku ni cuma boleh tengok 3 channel je, malam-malam gini selalunya aku tengok TV3 la. Jadinya, malam Khamis, ada la wrestling kat channel yang sama umur dengan aku ni. Rasanya dari dulu lagi, wrestling malam Khamis. (Dulu wrestling pakai WWF tapi sekarang dah pakai WWE). Even masa wrestling ada kat RTM dulu lagi, sebabnya....Sekali teringat daa... asal hujung minggu (kat Kedah - Jumaat dan Sabtu, ye kawan-kawan) aku akan mengendong beg sambil kayuh basikal Raleigh kaler purple aku gi umah Cikgu Hamid.

Tahukah anda aku cuma tahu Cikgu Hamid adalah seorang cikgu bahasa Inggeris selepas 7 tahun dia takde?

Tahukah anda, aku boleh confirmkan beliau dianugerah Tuhan sebagai carpenter paling awesome kat Lorong Seri itu.

Dan tahukah anda, selain mewarisi size kakinya yang besar, aku juga mewarisi kebolehannya berbahasa Inggeris yang luar biasa dan kemahirannya bertukang yang maha hebat? Bukti, sila cari Cikgu Alwi Kadir yang ajar aku Kemahiran Hidup. Betapa hebatnya karya aku sampai dia minta nak simpan kerja kayu aku untuk dia... *bangga siot*

Okay, back to the story. Malam-malam khamis camni, lepas makan malam, makan sirih dan bergolek-golek kat depan tu, dalam pukul 10 lebih tu, kitorang memang khusyuk tengok wrestling/ gusti. Jangan la sapa pun kacau. Kopi dan biskut empat segi pakai order je either kat Makteh aku atau kat Tok.

Bila time iklan je, lawan melanyak. Jadi cucu ni best, kalo ko lanyak kaw-kaw Tok Wan ko, dia tak marah. Heh. Lagipun, mana ada cucu beliau yang lain layan gusti. Aku sorang je. Yang pompuan asyik main masak-masak, main anak patung (tak membangun langsung) and yang cucu lelaki gi tangkap ikan laga, main kad, main bola (pengotor).

Aku tak ingat wrestler time tu, sebab aku tak perlu tahu pun. I was 10 years old. Tapi, aku akan take side la. Cikgu Hamid amik side satu lagi. Bersorak mengalahkan tengok bola.

Walaupun lepas dia takde pun aku akan tengok gusti. Mengamuk aku kalau ada yang nak tukar tv lain. Paling tidak, aku akan still angkat beg dan kayuh basikal pegi umah dia, tengok gusti dengan Tok. Bezanya, masa iklan, takblehlah aku nak lanyak orang. Makteh aku tak layan, Tok aku plak kecik je, kalo lanyak, tak masuk ospital...

Dan aku masih tengok wrestling sampai Tingkatan 5 - time tu memang hangat dengan Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Kane, Undertaker, Kurt Angel, Edge, Big Show... sapa lagi? Brock Lesner and Triple H. Oh, ketua darjah aku punya ayah muka dia ala-ala Triple H. Kena kutuk siot, pompuan minat gusti. Minat laki pakai seluar ketat la, pervert la... Macam-macam diorang kutuk aku. Dah la kelas aku kelas agama. Nasib baik aku ada geng tengok gusti. Budak tu nama dia Liza.

Dulu aku ni naive, aku ingat diorang belasah betul-betul. Aku ingat diorang guna dadah dan ada pada waktunya dadah dia tak berkesan. Aku juga ingat diorang gaduh real punya. Macam The Rock dengan Stone Cold dulu. Perghh... menggeletar aku marah kat Austin yang asyik belasah The Rock aku. (IF YOU SMELL~~~~WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN?) Pastu The Rock ada satu lagu dengan Wyclef John tau.. tajuk dia "It Doesnt Matter".

Setiap wrestlers ada lagu opening sendiri, macam masa Undertaker jadi rider lagu 'Rollin'. Then, diorang semua ada designated move sendiri. "tamparan berapi' la, 'sepakan tujuh pusingan' la, 'tendangan maut neraka' la.. Tu belum kira awek-awek, manager-manager yang annoying.

Aku pun penah ada crush kat Batista dan Shane McMahon.. sebab aku rasa diorang sangat hot... *tepuk dahi*

Dan, satu je la. Aku takkan bosan kot tengok drama dalam gusti ni. Aku pasti ingat Cikgu Hamid. Dan aku akan terus tengok, regardless korang nak kutuk aku pun.

aku boleh namakan semua wrestler kat atas ni...caya tak?

Movie Review - The Chronicle of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I hurt my eyes when I watched the movie in 3D.
And those 3D glasses should be designed bigger.
I can even see the frame throughout the movie.

I fell in love with Prince Caspian. Love the new look!
Why cant i fall for the Captain?
He is brave, bold and sexy. LOL

I screamed excitedly telling everyone the Dragon was the annoying big-nostril cousin.
The cousin was really annoying and his big nostril was really distracting. damn. So, will there be another Narnia movie? With the cousin? No one paying for that. That's for sure.

So, grown up cannot enter Narnia eh?
I prefer the Caribbean island, all its pirates and Captain Jack Sparrow.
I really wanna see how the guy doing Aslan's voice looks like. He's voice is so amusing to my ears.

Man, they saw this pretty star and were so mesmerized by her.
Says who love come from the heart?
It was from first sight. Period.
It is by being pretty, then guy will like and fall for you. (narrow-minded? Fact, people, fact)

I like the climax of the story, it is so not Harry Potter. We could not guess what's gonna happen next (well, I like the element of surprise, still) however, i think this would be the lowest budget of all Narnia movies. Coz, not a lot of characters displayed. It was a quest to find the seven people and their swords. The ship was awesome tho.

Oh yes, the popcorn was hangus and still owe K. Wiznie. Chait! Apsal boleh blah selamba je? Yes, RM18.

Madness in Manila

Note: The entry is Manglish style, so if you understand you understand la..

Last week, i attended the 4th Regional Meeting on Human Rights Defenders Forum in Manila, Philippines. So, here's a sneak peak (wahah! like artist i tell you!) what happened so i wont miss any if i story-story to you or i don't need to story to you at all since i oredi wrote an entry on it.

Okay, enough with the Manglish. I myself find it hard to understand.

Madness of Day #1
I thought i lost my car key since I couldn't find it in the 'orange bag'. I thought i lost it in the cab and made a big fuss out of it and called Aya Joyy and actually asked her to find the cab. Stupid, i know. I ransacked the whole bag in the LRT. I opened every single zippers, took out all the stuff and still, couldn't find it. One fine moment after two hours banging my head to every single walls i saw, I found the stupid key in my bagpack.

And I was excitedly heading to KLIA thinking the Cebu Pacific Airlines was there. A lovely akak approached me and asked what i was looking for.

"Cebu Pacific kak, Cebu. Pegi Manila, bukan pegi Sibu"

"Your flight is at 1am, right? Its at LCCT"

I had to take a bus to LCCT~ Annddd....the safety belt on Cebu Pacific didn't fit me.


Madness of Day #2
Once i arrived, i went to find a good spot in the Ninoy Aquino Airport, Terminal 3 to sleep for 3 hours before taking a cab to Bayview Park Hotel, Roxas Blvd. I was so tired. We were advised to take THE yellow-metered-cab but i only saw the white one. Once i got in the cab, i saw the yellow one with people queuing for it- nice, very nice!

Once checked in at Bayview, i went out roaming Roxas Blvd and saw this magnificent place called Rizal Park which is also known as the Luneta. When i said it's magnificent, trust in me, it is! The park has a lot of monuments, gardens, orchidarium, chess ground (it was fun watching the uncles playing chess there, i dont know why) and they gonna have water fountain (its in progress currently). FYI, it was the place where Jose Rizal was executed. The park is so huge and i think i lost a couple of pounds just by walking there.

My roommate was Regina seo-seung-nim, a Korean lady working for the House of Human Rights Korea (hope i got it right) and she was very keen teaching me hangul, knowing that i can speak 10 phrases.

And when i opened the laptop i brought with me to the forum, ( i was happy that the office allowed me to bring the laptop, never had that privilege) i found out i brought the wrong adapter! How madnessly awesome was that?!

Madness of Day #3
The first morning, I was greeted by the guy from Maldives who actually remembered me back from Bali. He was like "hey, we wet in Bali, do you still remember me?" Cute guy like you, of course la i remember! So sweet of him, normal people would've forgotten me, WHY? coz i look... hummm, normal?

During break i met YSS, he was waving at me and all of the sudden, I high-fived him. Why did i do that? It was a mystery to me too. Yes, it will scar him for life. *facepalm*

I didn't understand why OP was a bit unfriendly, I met him a couple time before.. but Veracruz was nice. He is working with Gaya Nusantara. A LGBT rights organization in Surabaya.

The first night, we were invited to the launch of Women's Right Reproductive Mobilizer (yes, yes, i'll check) by WGNRR. The performance were great, i like the two guys who sang the "Babain" song. (Psst, it means 'Woman'). Had a great time with Annabel, a high school teacher volunteering for her human rights organization, Corazon and Renee. Wanted to request the brothers to sing Aftermath (acoustic) but it would be weird. And, Kamayan Restaurant served babi golek. Shouldve taken photo..dang!

Madness of Day #4
On day two of the forum, a lot of people found out about me talking good hangul (like i told you, it was only 10 phrases!), even the Special Rapporteur of United Nation knew - thanks to Wonsun oppa and Gayoon ohni. I hijacked Ausma's laptop to tweet and facebooking. Sorry Mar..*hugs*

The Pinoy famous whistle blower was a the forum too- Mr Jun Lozada! Dude, it take a lot of courage to do what you've done. We had one, but he ended up died tragically. *sigh*

Toru was so busy running around and that I couldn't say hi to him. But he did 'cuit' me. (what is cuit in English wehh???) Adorable! The only two things i said to him were "the internet is not working" and 'ohaiyo gozaimasu, toru-chan"

And i also didn't have a chance to chat with my superwoman, Lady M. (just don't tell her i said that, she might freaks out, she might think I'm a weirdo, probably lesbian..sheessh) Yes, I was flailing over her awesomeness over and over again! I envy you JL!

At night, Puspa, Jixun and me joined Jonal and his crew to dine at the San Miguel's Bay, just across Mall of Asia for seafood! We were enjoying the uncles' live band and the whole night I was 'trashing' Jonal and Boyett. So sorry, but that's how i roll with grown up guys. We trash each other. I'm not those typical girls who just giggle when a man making 'statement' of their age and size. I is empowered woman. ehehe... And you guys are like my brothers! Just thank God i didnt kick or punch you guys. I do that with my brothers and cousins. That's how we show our love.

And that handsome waiter who has friends working in Sentul, should have given him my number. Why i didn't do that? Why?

After dinner, we took a walk along the bay with Jonal kuya. He is very nice and his accident experience was really something and had transformed him to a Super Kuya! I would say exactly the same to him like his wife did: " if you ever die in that accident, i will kill you again" double death! His poppet is supercute!

Madness of Day #5
Day three of the forum and we got into groups and discussed on recommendations to UN Special Rapporteur and coalition of civil society across the region. Renee and Robie were like teachers. (And I like Robie's taste in shoe, they're unique)

Teaming up with Mook and Max was crazy! Thought Max was a loner but that was not the case, he can be very funny. We had several brilliant ideas but we couldn't describe it all thoroughly in the recommendations. And i met Vince, a LIBERTAS. I hate him for being sweet; remembering all the small things i did in Bali.

Puspa invited me to join her meeting Bianca and Mike at the Robinson's Place. They both talked politics! warghhh... i almost killed myself when i found out that Bianca is only 24, but her knowledge about the world's politics... *give her standing ovation*

Then, Mike dropped us at the Tomas Morato St near the Circle, Quezon City and joined the others at the World AIDS Day and LGBT 'Gay Pride March' Annual Celebration. First to be organized in Manila. Cool mayor you got there, Quezon City! And we'd partayyy~~! I made Paisarn gave me his sticker of "This is a gay-friendly place" and he also handed me a pack of condom. I wish i got the lube jelly for free too, never touch 'em. #curious

We chartered a jeepney on the way back. And i asked the stupidest question to Paisarn. It was a relief that he didnt throw me out from the jeepney. And dearest, you do; will look gorgeous in that white wedding dress.

Madness of Day #6
At morning, Mook and me went to the old Manila, Intramuros City. Mook is a really good photographer! we went to visit the Cathedral and a church museum there. The folks there were busy preparing for Viva la Virgen, a celebration to commemorate Mary, the Virgin. Have something to do with Immaculate Celebration if i was not mistaken.

We also visited the Fort Santiago, kinda reminded me of Fort A Famosa in Malacca. i love historical places! turn me on, baby! Okay, that sounded so wrong...

We also went to the National Art Gallery where we had to open several doors to see the exhibits there. It was like a puzzle, then we found out the building was originally the Legislative Building and turned into National Museum, which explained the countless doors and renovations.

By the way, they call buffalo - carabao. Kita panggil kerbau.. bwahahaha

After lunch, we headed back to Bayview and I took a cab with Jyotsna, enjoying the sunset on our ride to NAIA 3.

Movie Review: Tangled

Berusaha aku tido dalam kereta ofismate on the way balik dari Chenderiang sebab malam tu nak pegi tengok cerita Rapunzel kat Sunway Pyramid. hahahaha..Ingat lagi aku menjerit tengok trailer cerita ni masa aku tengok The Sorcerer's Apprentice dulu. Dan bila aku nampak "Kungfu Staring Contest!" tambah menjerit aku... Yes, peeps! Kungfu Panda will be back.

Walt Disney tanpa gagal buat animasi yang comel tahap langit!

Rapunzel versi Disney ni beza dengan Rapunzel yang kita baca dulu. Kenapa rambut dia panjang dan blonde adalah disebabkan semasa mak dia aka Permaisuri sakit nak beranak, pengawal dikerah mencari satu bunga ajaib dan bagi mak dia minum dan tada! rambut dia kaler emas. Yang menyebabkan the villain nak lock dia atas tower (which make more sense dari sebab the parents curi buah dari kebun nenek kebayan) ialah, keajaiban bunga tu ada pada rambut dia. Tapi, rambut dia tak boleh potong, kalo potong dah tak magik.

And... tibe2 datang si super handsome Flynn Rider aka Eugene Fizherbert... *ded* oh, rambut beliau bisa buat aku dup-dap, dup-dap

Maximus (the horse) and Pascal (the chameleon) as the animal companions pun lumrah filem Disney. Cute, buat ko rasa ko nak sekor. Haish!

Kalo aku jadi Rapunzel, mahu gila kalo hari-hari; kemas rumah, masak, buat kuih, melukis, baca buku, kemas rumah, masak, buat kuih, melukis, baca buku... nasib baik ada internet!

Sorry aku merapu, tapi aku tak dapat concentrate sebenarnya masa tengok cerita ni, sebab kat sebelah kitorang ada sorang minah ni, dengan kuatnya asyik... "Comelnya" (aku rasa comelnya tu ada la dalam 50 kali) and then.. "Kenapa dia macam tu?" and her annoying laugh. Twice aku sound dia,

"Dik, first time datang tengok wayang ke?"

Dan SUMPAH kalo aku kawan dia, aku akan cakap,

"Ni last aku datang tengok wayang dengan ko, retard!"

The movie was fun tho, aku rasa aku akan tengok lagi. Dengan penuh penghayatan dan konsentrasi.

My Leonard Personality Inventory Result Came Out Weird

Before we attend the training, we were requested to complete 100 questions online and from the answers we gave, the computer will generate your personality. Sounds familiar? Yeah, I know.


Dr Leonard Yong, who is an adjunct professor at University Malaya had conducted a 25 years of research on emotional intelligent. To be precise, on human psychology and personality. From hundred thousands of subjects, he concluded that we, human have five different personalities (you can have two or three, according to the graph) which are:

Openness/ Creative

• One who is imaginative, creative and have great ideas

• They are mostly painters, singers, interior designers, wedding planners.

Neutral

• One who is calm, can do job, curious, easily bored, do not want conflict and a private person

• A lot of people have N behaviour. Most Asians are. They can work under pressure and get the job done. They are reserved and can't take it when other people don't like them. Big possibility they blame themselves for problems.

Analytical

• One who like to analyze, love facts and figures, takes time to decide, tend to be perfectionist and easily irritated

• Lawyers, researchers, journalists, scientists, accountants and the list goes on.....

Relational

• Love to make friends, people-oriented, likes to talk, hate routines and facts, fun to be with

• You can see a lot of the them around you. Celebrities, politicians and PR people have this the most. They love to talk and they can make you laugh.

Decisive

• Firm, knows what to be done, like to win, like to lead, aggressive

• Successful people like businessmen, general at war, bosses.

Everybody else had similar results when we were asked to do two different tests. First test, was the one with 100 questions and second test was with 5 questions. If you get both graphs pretty much the same, then you know yourself and can work to improve your EE (Emotional Excellence) from there.

Me on the other hand, had two different results - and when I checked with the trainer, Grace Mary said it was either 1) I'm very adaptable to situations, 2) Did the test under stress or 3) Am not clear of who i am and what am capable to do.

Like i said, I is UNPREDICTABLE.. and it is proven: Psychologically!

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

So, I tricked Aya Lautner and Madam Fit to go watch Harry Potter with me in Sunway Pyramid…no no, Madam Fit tricked me and I tricked both…arrghhh… nevermind

Harry Potter 7 in my opinion is the turtle-slowest Harry Potter movie I have ever watched. Tahu kenapa? Its Harry Potter! Semua yang korang expect dari sebuah filem Harry Potter ada dalam HP7.


Scene 1 – Pengorbanan kawan-kawan
So, Harry kena diselamatkan kan, dan semua yang ambil berat pasal dia akan datang bantu. Tapi, tentulah nampak tak real kalo semua selamat dan sejahtera, jadi diorang korbankan Mad Eye dan lubangkan telinga one of the twin. Dobby pun dikorbankan bila kena dagger Bellatrix. Hermione juga kena seksa toreh tangan.

Scene 2 – Rasa bersalah Harry
Harry rasa bersalah dan cuba nak lawan sorang-sorang then Ron pun datang cakap “its not about you, its bigger than that” dan dia juga selalu 'heart to heart' talk dengan Hermione.

Scene 3 – “I Know What You Need Even When I’m Dead”
Dumbledore macam lelaki botak dalam Spies yang tahu gadget apa yang akan guna bila diorang ada masalah nanti. Contohnya Hermione dapat buku cerita, Ron dapat lighter thingy tu and Harry dapat Snitch yang dia tangkap dulu. Semua benda alah tu, bantu diorang cari klu.

Scene 4 – Benda Jahat yang diorang Jumpa akan Influence Persahabatan
Bila diorang jumpa satu benda yang ada element jahat, benda tu akan bagi diorang bad energy. Dan diorang akan terjangkit dan ada konflik. Bila ada konflik, gaduh-gaduh, sorang blah dan mintak orang yang bersalah pilih yang mana dia nak ikut. Dan 'for some obvious reason', dia akan pilih hero.

Scene 5 – Harry selalu akan diselamatkan
Bila Harry sorang-sorang dan kesusahan, tetiba je ada yang datang tolong. Kalo kita tengok balik, mula2 yang ada untuk Harry adalah Hagrid, kemudian Hermione, kemudian Ron and of course, Dobby. Satu panggung excited bila Dobby datang. Macam dia tu guardian angel si Harry. Siap minah kat belakang aku menangis teresak-esak bila Dobby mati.

Aku rasa Ginny Weasley sangat cantik bila besar, tak salah la pilihan Harry bila dia kawen kang.

Banyak je boleh cerita, but then, aku kena terima hakikat, Harry Potter ni ada peminat dia sendiri dan sebahagian besar peminat dia adalah kanak-kanak yang aku rasa tak kisah pun cerita dengan garapan lebih kurang sama over and over again. I’m not a fan, that’s why I think it’s a bit slow and predictable. Nevertheless, aku enjoy cerita alam magika dan medieval era. Turn me on! LOL

Looking forward to see how Harry destroy Voldermort in Harry Potter 8 tho. I mau tutup buku. Tahukah anda saya telah menonton semua filem Harry Potter atas usaha sorang budak bernama Iwan Syah?

Movie Review: Lagenda Budak Setan

Diorang cakap suruh aku tengok dulu sebelum kutuk LBS. Hanya kerana aku tak suka Farid Kamil yang tak mandi masa sekolah dulu tu, aku tak patut judge LBS. Aku enjoy baca LBS masa zaman-zaman muda dulu. Sewaktu itu, cuma tiga penulis kat Malaysia yang buat aku baca novel diorang - Ahadiat Akashah, Liana Afiera Malik dan Faisal Tehrani.
So, aku pun amik masa tengok LBS dari laptop adik aku. Aku bleh reviewkan la sket-sket.
1. Lambat + Lembab = Lembam?2. Prank kat kolej macam tu ke? Zaman 90an relevant la. This is 20th century, people. Mungkin boleh tukar kot. Adaptasi pun pandai-pandai la ubah yang mana patut.3. Menyampah tengok Farid Kamil asyik berpeluk sakan.4. Cinematografi cantik tho.5. Mata Shikin memang ada sket-sket mata Lisa Surihani. Dan aku stand firm yang Lisa Surihani tu patut stick dengan modelling/buat iklan je. Sebab dia cantik gile tanpa perlu bercakap.6. Sepatutnya Kasyah tu pegi pedalaman Sarawak/Sabah kalo nak buat dia terputus hubungan dengan dunia luar. Atau bagi scene dia pernah mencuba untuk call Ayu tapi disrupted ke, line tak clear ke...7. Kudos to Que Haidar. Aku rasa pembelasahan beliau sangat ohsem!8. Kenapa perlu ada watak Kate dalam Bahagian Satu kalo dah nak ada Bahagian Dua?
Okey, penat.

p/s: Sapa Sharan Sharad?

Al-Kisah AidilAdha

Jenuh aku dok pikir apsal aku sorang je yang find ayat Mak Njang aku kelakar...

9.20pm, 16th November

Anyway, aku dah bersiap dari ofis nak pergi Bukit Jalil sebab bas aku pukul 10. (satu hari tak buat keja sebab terlampau excited balik malam raya, aku kan perantau) Tiket bas aku dah beli sebelum Deepavali. Aku beli sekali untuk trip ke Melaka tu. Sesampai kat kaunter tiket, aku pun buat rutin biasa pegi sana.

Azwa: Dik, tolong check platform dan no. plat bas. (sambil hulur tiket bas ke dia)
Samdol: Akak punya bas pukul berapa?
Azwa: Pukul 10.
Samdol belek tiket lalu: Eh, akak. Bas kami takda pukul 10. Bas kami malam ni ada pukul 11 saja. Tengok tiket akak ni. Tiket akak ni bukan tiket besa bas kami pakai

Time tu, aku macam nak menjerit. Biar betul samdol kurus ni.

Azwa: Akak beli kat kaunter sini la. Sebelum Deepavali akak dah beli.
Samdol: Akak beli kat sapa?
Azwa: Ya rabbi. Jangan dok merapu boleh dak? Akak beli kat sini la. Sini. Hisyh, kena report polis ni.
Samdol: Eh, kak. Saya lawak ja.. Saya lawak ja

Aku nak sebut binatang haram tu, tapi aku rasa kalau kasi pelempang lagi menarik sebenarnya.

Samdol: Ala, kak. Lawak aidiladha pun tak boleh.
Azwa: Ni, hang toksah dok buat lawak la. Bagi no. plat tu.

Aku nak maki lama-lama kang, aku tau IQ dia rendah. So, aku malas layan.

10pm, 16th November

Bas tak sampai-sampai. Samdol tadi datang dan bagitau bas tersangkut dalam jam. Sebab ada tanah runtuh. Latest bas boleh sampai 1am. Nak menyumpah pun tak guna. Aku tunggukan saja la.

Sambil gelakkan sorang anne security yang akan tanya semua orang kat so called "platform" diorang naik bas apa. Kedua, dia akan mintak tiket bas korang dan kemudian ayat dia adalah "you tunggu ya, nanti bas itu mari" dan dia ulang ketiga-tiga ayat macam robot kat 50 manusia yang kat situ.

Tak caya? Pegi la platform 5.

8.30 am, 17th November

Aku sampai kat Alor Setar and called home to ask them to pick me up. Sakit satu badan doh, dalam bas tempuh jam. Aku kesian kat pakcik drebar bas tu jugak.

Sekali yang sampai, Siti dengan skuter hitam. *tepuk dahi* Terus aku jerit tengah-tengah Shahab Perdana.

Azwa: Hoi, ini ja yang hang bawak nak amik aku? Aku dah la balik pagi raya. Aku expect keta okay. Keta. Baru la masuk sket aku balik pagi raya

Siti: Hoi, abeh dah semua orang pi semayang raya. Aku mana ada lesen.

Moral of the Story

1. kalo taknak kena heart attack dek lawak samdol macam samdol kat kaunter tu, jangan balik malam raya.

2. kalo taknak layan bangla yang asyik minta ko masukkan no. telefon ko kat dalam hp dia, jangan balik malam raya.

3. kalo ko tanak gaduh seat dalam bas, jangan balik malam raya.

4. kalo ko tanak orang datang amik ko dengan skuter cabuk, jangan balik malam raya dan sampai pagi raya time orang pegi semayang raya.

Sekian. Salam AidilAdha~!

Love, Sex and Desire

It was N who asked me about my sexuality, it was a weird question at first but then i recalled the stupid thing I told this other girl.

The incident: I was perceived as a Bi when I said "I kinda swing both ways, by the way"

Then, she made her point by saying that she wanted to do a documentary or short film on LGBT in Malaysia, we had opened up the discussion into various other topics.

She asked me whether I have or had lesbian or gay friends? And Adam is not your friend. I paused for a moment and then said, yeah, i know some. Back in university, and now, since I work with NGOs.

I didnt know how it started when suddenly they talked about porn sites, fetishes, DIY, dressing up for sex. I did try to back out but it was interesting to see these ladies were being very open with their sexuality!

They talked about Jay, who was born as a She but had surgery and now is a He. He was like "What happened to thing on my chest? ppffttt... I felt it was only some excess fat. Had it removed. Completely" . And we're soo going to the Liquid. A gay club in Kuala Lumpur. (safest club for girls it seems..but unfortunately dah tutup)

I could not (ok, not) do not want to leave the table as they were getting wild talking about this stuff until 11pm and the manager of the restaurant had to switch off all the lights to inform us "we're closing"

Before we leave, they wanted me to organize another training on Women: Love, Sex and Desire... to do what? How to pleasure self, how to have safe sex and how to start a relationship: Guide 101.

Life is funny. And I cant stop laughing.

17 things you can only find in Malacca (ohsem weekend with Halia)

1. Went cruising on Malacca River with Halia and YB Irfan and saw ohsem villages on the riverside. But it gotten weird when suddenly at the end of Kg Morten and Kg Jawa, there built, a Pirate Theme Park. And there was this guy who washed his face with the smelly water. Everyone on the boat were like ’euuwww’
2. We headed to Kg Jawa, an-overrated place to bargain goods, so they got shops and they sells clothes/ household items, blah blah – but, when we reached its main street, it was ohsem to see all kind of warungs of Malays, Chinese and Indians serving local delights. Having cendol and gossiping about Ali Rustam, was kinda ‘out of the ordinary’.

3. Dinner at Grilled Seafood Restaurant, Kg Sungai Muara. We ordered, actually I ordered boiled clams, grilled sambal cencarus (pronounce: chen-cah-roo), fried prawns with ginger, black pepper crabs – we had to wait and hang around for 15 minutes before we could move. According to YB Irfan, we suffered from an ohsem stomach bon-bon.

4. Friday night means karaoke night at Jonker Walk. The Ah Sows’ were singing their hearts out. There were also goods that bring back those memories when we were kids – they have gula ketuk, coconut cookies, aiskrim lidi, dart bulu ayam, gendang pusing, etc. Not to forget, the antiques and curios..ohsem!

5. On the next day, (Saturday) we had breakfast at Indah Rahmania after Halia asked whether I eat mamak (girlfriend, I only eat what mamak cooked) before reaching Masjid Selat, a mosque on the seaside. The ohsem mosque was also visited by a group of tourists from Pakistan, with their weird poses in front of camera…

6. Later, Halia parked her brand-new, cute pink MyVi and we walked to Dataran Pahlawan and climbed the A Famosa Fort, at St. Paul Hill. An ohsem morning exercise, indeed. Made a wish at the wishing well and headed to Malacca Islamic Museum, when we saw the stairs again, we decided not to go in. Yes, we’re fat and too lazy.

7. Entering the Independence Memorial Building was ohsem when you’re not allowed to take pictures but you take it anyway. Learning the history (which I’m good at, and still ohsem at it) and one question stroked us – why the hell that UMNO use UMNO and not in Bahasa which is PEKEMBAR? That would be more ‘entertaining’…
8. Arrived at the 3D Museum, Beauty of the World Museum and Kites Museum – all under the same roof! The 3D Museum was ‘boooo’ but the Kites Museum was ohsemmm… (sing: I like flying kites, kites make me happy..yaya). The third museum made me thinking how stupid can man be when it comes to ‘being beautiful’. Bound their feet, pierced their chins, noses, ears with woods and iron, tattooed their faces, obsessed with corsets and bodices – man, *no word to describe*

9. Afterward, we walked to the Town Square – where situated Clock Tower, Christ Curch, Stadhuys and the Memorial Fountain. Daced to the ‘dondang sayang’ before we stopped at the famous and ohsem Big Clock Cendol. But I chose ABC and regretted it. Should’ve picked cendol.
10. We continued to Jalan Hang Lekir, saw ohsem historical buildings and arrived at Francis Xavier’s Church. It’s a gothic church built by Reverend Fabre from France. Unfortunately, it was closed on Saturday and we could not go in. Not ohsem for closing the church on Saturday, Rev.
11. We continued the journey and found Cheng Ho Museum and then the Orang Utan Shop owned by Charles Cham, who I thought was some foreigner decided to settle down at Malacca. Snapped some photo even prohibited, thanks to the ohsem akak at the store.
12. We reached the three religious houses – Buddhist temple (which I didn’t get the name) Sri Poyattha Hindu temple and Kg Kling’s Mosque. The street filled with antique store and we got chased by one Po-Po (grandma): “what you want? See? See what? Nothing to see, here only got masks, nothing to see” Yeah, Hatyai dejavu.. I can call it 'ohsem'… can i?
13. We arrived to the only and ohsem Wah Aik Hand-Made Boundfeet Shoe store. Had a warm welcome by the owner. Yeh-yeh (Grandpa) told that his family has been making the shoes since 1920s.
14. Later, we walked to the Samudera Museum, which have three different ohsem museums with the price of one. I harassed Hang Tuah, Alfonso d’Alburqerque, ibn Battuta and Awang Selamat. We met pakcik and makcik who will forever make fishing net and drying the anchovies.
15. Tired from the 4 hours walking, we headed to Tanjung Puteri Beach and cougaring some boys playing rugby. Ohsem view people, it was an ohsem view.

16. Hungry as bears, we stopped at the Asam Pedas Restaurant and ordered ikan pari and beef asam pedas. It was delicious, should the gravy is thicker, it would’ve been ohsem. We got back to Halia house and went out again with Halia’s mom and aunt shopping at the Nagoya and Mydin at MITC.

17. On Sunday morning, we had breakfast at the Nasi Lemak Ujung Pasir, thanks to the winner of Johor race, representing 2020 Motor Kel-laab~ before headed to Melaka Sentral.

3 other things you might want to know

1. Everyone who walked pass you have DSLR with them. True story. If you don’t have one, they will look at you like you’re from the 80s. not an ohsem feeling…

2. I met the ohsem Linness, a glambert I’d met at the GNT Kuala Lumpur. Didn’t recognize her, without her geisha look. But, then, when she started to laugh, I knew it. What a small world.

3. We parked at the Menara Taming Sari parking lot but never get to ride the ohsem rotating thingy ~ *sigh*

Azwa's Attempt to Write Poem 2 (Ah Lian Style): That White Satria

I saw it (again)
That white satria
The one which always
I tagged along with
Last time, long-long ago one la
Fooled around with
My friends, the peng yos
That one now hor
Call themselves - The Glampires

We went to so many places
What them called ah?
Putrajaya, Bukit Bintang, KLCC, Kg Baru
Klang, then got waterfall
McDonald’s near the Highway
Nasi Lemak Mali’s
CC Hearing, Open Houses
Somemore..
Couldn’t remember anymore worr
But many la
Gimme headache to remember one

In
That white satria
The Specky Glampire once can just slipped through
The space between front seat and back one
No need the front seater to move
Wonder if she can still do it now

I saw it (again)
That white satria
Last night at 11pm
While waiting for Specky Glampire
Talked to the owner
Of
That white satria
All excited about her trip
Me so happy for her
And reminded me of what we used to
Have fun together-gether
Oh
Why la we didn’t just stay 20?
We oredi made pact with the devil whaattt~!

I saw it again
That white satria
May I see it more-more again
Next time

Sebut betul-betul: 'Bah-koot Jalil'

INSIDEN 1

Lepas meeting tadi, lari pergi beli tiket bas ke Melaka kejap. Bila sampai kat Star LRT punya kaunter, baik punya aku cakap kat akak kaunter;

Azwa: Akak, Bah-koot Jalil satu.

Naik kening ala Ziana Zain akak tu, padahal aku tak perasan lagi tu. Dia tanya sekali lagi.

Azwa: Bah-koot Jalil (aku kuatkan suara)

Bergolek abang kat belakang. (Ok, tak bergolek la, dia gelakkan aku) Baru aku rewind balik. *tepuk dahi* B O N G E K !


INSIDEN 2

Masa tunggu tren tukar kat Chan Sow Lin, ada couple dari Sweden (aku belasah ni, tapi, aku rasa diorang orang Eropah, sebab diorang cakap pelik) datang tanya aku;

Lelaki Eropah: Excuse me, we need to go to the bus station. The man at the counter said - go to Bah-kit Jah-lil. Which tren do we need to take?..... We wait here?
Azwa: Oh, I'm heading to Bah-koot Jalil too. Yes, we need to get on the next Sri Petaling's tren. Wait here la.

(Whatta f***!)

p/s: itu lah, gelakkan orang lagi. Gelakkan orang lagi. Itu kita panggil karma, bongok. K A R M A